Two things about today: I drove to Stellenbosch to do a signing (that is the legal side of a marriage) in a bride’s parents’ home. I saw ring boxes on the patio table and asked if they wanted to do a ring exchange. They said yes. I asked if they wanted to do the very short ‘ceremony’ in the garden, which overlooked vineyards. Yes again. Before the questions I had to legally ask, I read one of my favorite poems, called The Present.
The Present
For the present there is just one moon,
though every level pond gives back another.
But the bright disc shining in the black lagoon,
perceived by astrophysicist and lover,
is milliseconds old. And even that light’s
seven minutes older than its source.
And the stars we think we see on moonless nights
are long extinguished. And, of course,
this very moment, as you read this line,
is literally gone before you know it.
Forget the here-and-now. We have no time
but this device of wantonness and wit.
Make me this present then: your hand in mine,
and we’ll live out our lives in it.
The groom explained that he really liked the poem too, especially the part about the light being seven minutes older, because he is a scientist by profession. The bride’s father, who had tears in his eyes, showed me his own wedding ring. He said he had only ever taken it off for a few hours in the decades of their marriage. He said that the ring had cost R200 and that is was plated gold, not the real thing. He stood in his really beautiful garden in his beautiful home, overlooking a vineyard, and he told me that he had discussed changing the ring with his wife (who was standing next to him) but that they decided that it was a good reminder of where they came from. He said it reminded him that he didn’t get married for money or status or what others’ thought.
After the signing, I had a slow lunch at a cafe I stumbled upon where I read through my ceremony for Megan and Hendro and sipped on Rooibos tea. The ceremony went really well. Right near the end of the ceremony, we performed a Celtic Handfasting Ritual, centered around community and family. The groom’s mother came up first with her ribbon and drapped it over Megan and Hendro’s hand, demonstrating that Hendro’s childhood family gave their blessing for their marriage. I then called Megan’s mom up to do the same. Problem – she didn’t have a ribbon. There was a little panic and one ‘runner’ but I said that it was okay, that we’d have to improvise and I started looking around for something that could stand in the ribbon’s stead. And then one gentleman in the back row took off his silver tie and passed it forward. Ingenius. Megan’s mother then came up and placed the tie on the couple’s hand, demonstrating that Megan’s childhood family gave their blessing for the marriage. Lastly, Hendro’s grandmother held a third ribbon symbolizing that Megan and Hendro had forged, as a result of the union and the ceremony, their own family. Megan’s aunt was invited up too, to represent Megan’s grandmother who couldn’t travel from the UK to be at the wedding. They were meant to share a single third ribbon. But another gentleman took off his blue tie and gave it to Megan’s aunt, and so a second ribbon and a second tie were placed over the couple’s hands before the blessing and the tying of the knot.
At the end of the ceremony, Hendro’s mom came to apologise about the ribbon and started to explain what she things happened to the second ribbon but I told her that that was the best part of the ceremony – I told her that the handfasting couldn’t have gone any better. Hendro’s father agreed. While we were talking about the ceremony, a gentleman came to retrieve his blue tie. We untied the knot to loosen and return it. Hendro’s dad then took off his own cream tie and said he’d like to offer his tie as a replacement. Such a beautiful gesture. (Also, the color palette really worked).
Time and time again, I have learned that the best part of ceremonies cannot be planned. That is not to say ceremonies shouldn’t be planned – they absolutely should be. I mean only that you should leave room for the spontaneous – you should be familiar enough with your plan to let it go for a minute or two to allow some magic in, and then pick it back up when needed.
Photograph of the night (low light and on my phone): Yesterday I wrote about the fact that I was having a hard day but not what caused it. Kit fell off the bed in the early ours of Sunday morning. I woke to the sound of her hitting the floor. I got a big fright, seeing her on the floor, crying. I searched her for any signs of a bump or damage but there were none. Once I had calmed her a little I carried her downstairs to wake Jess at 3am to help me make sure Kit was okay. She was.
Yesterday was hard because I was really exhausted from the hard night but mostly because I got a really big fright. It shook me. And so, the doorbell aggravated me even more than usual, and so did the barking, and the lack of bread in my Checkers 60 order. And the best possible thing I could do was be kind to myself and have a nap and I did (on my wife’s encouragement).
We will make sure it doesn’t happen again. And by that I mean, we will visit Baby City and put up a bedrail (I didn’t know it was a thing until my friend told me this evening).
Here’s how I found Jess and Kit sleeping this evening when I went to get ready for bed. Aren’t they beautiful.
