Perhaps you expect me to tell you my approach as a marriage officer in Cape Town but there’s plenty of time for us to get into that detail. For now, I’d rather have you tell me about that road trip you did a few years back. How you kept stopping on the side of the road to take swims – first in the coca-cola water of the river and then in the salty sea. Walk me through your Sunday rituals – who brings the coffee; who stays in bed. Tell me when you first knew you wanted to marry her and how long you held onto that truth before you shared it. And once you have shared the big and little details that make you, you, let us carve those stories and intricacies into a ceremony that is yours and yours alone.

Trust me on this though: No matter how much time we pour over it, no matter how much care we take, some of the best parts of your ceremony will remain a surprise. They will arrive in the unfolding moment: A jig your bride does at the top of the aisle; a gust of wind that seals your vows; the casual approach of a toddler that decides he’d quite like to join us under the flower arch; the way your lover laughs when the ring doesn’t quite slide smoothly onto her finger. Your ceremony will possess the gravitas and grace that such a momentous occasion demands but there will also be room for spontaneity – for fun, for unexpected magic, for laughter.

I’ve been a marriage officer in Cape Town for over five years now. I find great meaning in ceremonies at big weddings – there is something incredibly special about your loved ones witnessing you cross one of life’s thresholds. I find equal meaning in simple celebrations stripped of all fanfare and fuss. Every wedding holds its own magic. Though I am not religious and this reflects in the ceremonies I led, there is no escaping that there is something sacred about two people promising to spend their lives together.