Secular memorials in Cape Town

What initially drew me to lead secular memorials in Cape Town? Inspired by John O’Donnohue’s writing, I’ve been contemplating life’s thresholds for some time now: Birth. Loss. Love. Death. I’ve led hundreds of wedding ceremonies and so perhaps it was inevitable that I would feel called to lead other types of ceremonies. I once saw a meme that said, “it’s not called a conference call – it’s a calling”. That’s the way I feel about dropping the technically-accurate-but-limiting job title of marriage officer in favour of more-encompassing title of celebrant. Celebrants lead wedding ceremonies, sure, but they also lead other rites: Celebration-of-life ceremonies – non-religious memorials.

I’m new to this and that can feel daunting in some ways but I also know that there is a power in beginner’s eyes. There’s a chance to bring something meaningful and unique to rituals and ceremonies that have become formulaic, tired and ill-suited. If you’d like to get to know me a little more before reaching out, you can start here.

It takes time and effort and vulnerability to create a ceremony and gathering that authentically captures the essence of your loved one

My experience leading secular memorials

Earlier this year, after a few previous requests from others that I declined, I agreed to lead a non-religious memorial. Why did I say yes this time? Pretty much everything about it. I had married a couple not too long ago and one of the grooms had passed. Though I cannot say I have known such an enormous loss in my own life, personal experiences meant that I felt – maybe for the first time – equipped to meet that grief. Even the place the husband chose to celebrate his late love spoke to me on a profound level. I had a full-body yes, which is a term that has become a bit co-opted by wellness gurus/influencers but I like it nonetheless and I can’t think of a better way to describe the experience.

So then, how do I go about doing this important work of leading secular memorials in Cape Town? I suppose the first step is to say I want to. To put my intention out there and then all I can do is trust that those looking for a celebrant to honour the one wild and precious life of their loved ones will find me and we’ll go from there.

My approach to celebration-of-life ceremonies

John O’Donnohue wrote, “may someone who knows and loves the complex village of your heart be there to echo you back to yourself. And create a sure word-raft to carry you to the further shore“.

I do not for one moment profess to have known the complex village of your loved one’s heart but I know that you do and I know, deep within me, that I can help you create that word-raft. You and I can sit and talk and tell stories and I will listen and I will relay that love to all those gathered.

I have learnt through my work as a marriage officer, leading non-religious wedding ceremonies, that the best services bring a certain gravitas to the occasion but they must also include lightness. The most beautiful ceremonies dance between the two. I have also learnt that while planning and structure is important in a ceremony, the truly memorable parts of a ceremony will unfold in the moment. I have began to trust that more and more. The more confident I become in this work, the more I leave space for the unexpected.

The secular memorial I led earlier this year presented a perfect example of this… A friend stood up to talk about the deceased and when he got to the part of his speech that spoke about the deceased’s husband, the wind (which was pretty strong to begin with) cranked up. A lot! So much so that even over the microphone, it was difficult to hear the speaker. When I returned to speak and introduce the next speaker, I commented on the wind – to say that I didn’t think it was a coincidence that the wind picked up at that precise moment.

Ceremonies attempt to create a birdge between the stuff of ordinary experience – what we can see, hear and touch – and, on the other side, that which transcends that experience

A final note

As Douglas Wood wrote – there is an “integrity that comes from being what you are“. I believe that if we are able to capture the essence of your loved one and convey that at the secular memorial or celebration-of-life ceremony, it brings an integrity to the funeral and, more importantly, honours your loved one for the unique individual they were. I would want to create that kind of ceremony for anyone that I loved, and I would be honored if you trusted me to help you do the same.

A number of people have told me that they struggled to find a celebrant to lead their loved one’s secular memorial in Cape Town. As I understand it, I need to write a certain phrase – secular memorials in Cape Town – a few times for those looking for a celebrant to lead a celebration-of-life ceremony to find me on the big wide web. So here goes: secular memorials in Cape Town. One for luck? Secular memorials in Cape Town. Get in touch here: marriageofficerlara@gmail.com

There is a way to create a gathering that reflects the wishes and beliefs of the person you deeply loved – let me help you