The last time

Last year sometime I listened to a podcast (and I can’t remember which one – it may have been Tim Ferris but I’m not sure of the guest). Anyway, in the episode the guest spoke about an aspect of Stoicism that helps him. He said that when he struggles with something, he tries to think about how, one day, there will be a last time and how that thought can reveal the beauty in even really hard things. He then used an example that is close to home for me. He said that on nights when it was really hard to get his baby to sleep, when the baby cried and cried, and wouldn’t give in to rest, he would think about the fact that one day his baby wouldn’t want to be held or rocked to sleep. One day it would be the last time he would hold his baby in his arms as she falls asleep. One day but he wouldn’t know which day it would be.

When you think of it like that, even the hard nights (and some of them are really hard) become very precious. I don’t manage it every night but on some nights, with Kit in my arms, I sing to her and watch the shadow of the leaves dance against the triangler window in our tiny study and I feel how exquisite it is to have her so close to me. I feel the anticipatory loss of what it may feel like to not have that one day. On those nights, I am nowhere but there, with her.

With tears in my eyes, goodnight and sleep well.

Photograph of the day: Another day, another visit to the Acquarium and even though I’ve gone many times, today was the first day I saw these feathered (I think that’s what they’re called) anemones. Taken on my phone.