Same-sex marriage in Cape Town – what you need to know

Finding LGBTQIA+ friendly officiants and celebrants

What are some of the challenges couples face when looking to celebrate their same sex marriage in Cape Town? Unfortunately, most worry about finding an inclusive, LGBTQIA+ friendly officiant or celebrant. Even in South Africa – a country that legalised same-sex marriage way back in 2006 – this is still a realistic concern.

Am I comfortable officiating same-sex marriage in Cape Town? I still receive enquiries asking this and it my heart ache that anyone has jump this hurdle.

I’m writing this blog to try “get it out there” that as a marriage officer, I welcome LGBTQIA+ couples. More than that, I celebrate them! (Also, I’m probably not supposed to say this, but queer couples are my favourite. Actually, you know what, I can say that because I’m part of the community. I understand some of the sensitivities and warranted anxieties that come with looking for celebrants, photographers, florists, make-up artists…  I hate that many couples experience rejection and prejudice at a time that should be nothing but exciting.

Foreign couples often travel great distances to celebrate the start of their same-sex marriage in Cape Town

How South Africa came to recognise same-sex marriage

In South Africa, we have two pieces of legislation under which couples can marry: The Marriage Act and The Civil Union Act. The Marriage Act preceded The Civil Union Act. The Civil Union Act came into being because of a Constitutional Court ruling declaring the fact that same-sex couples could not enjoy the privileges of marriage discriminatory. The Court gave the Legislature two options. First, the Legislature could change the Marriage Act to include same-sex marriage. This would have been as simple as amending words like wife/husband to spouse. The second option: the Legislature could introduce a new piece of law governing same sex marriage. The Legislature went for the second option (wrongly in my opinion).

Welcoming the Civil Union Act

In 2006, South Africa ushered in the The Civil Union Act catering for both heterosexual couples and same-sex couples. The Civil Union Act is thus more inclusive . That is, all couples can get married under this piece of legislation while The Marriage Act is reserved for heterosexual couples. Marriages under the different pieces of legislation have the same rights and are thus equal. They do go by slightly different names. Under the Marriage Act you have a civil marriage whereas the Civil Union Act equivalent is a civil union marriage. Importantly, both are marriages.

(The Civil Union Act also has the option of a Civil Partnership but this is not commonly requested. Home Affairs has instructed me not to perform such unions. If you really want to enter a Civil Partnership, you’ll need to liaise directly with Home Affairs.)

The true joy of celebrating the start of your same-sex marriage in Cape Town? The unbelievable mountain views.

Can all marriage officers in South Africa perform civil union marriages?

No. Some marriage officers are only registered under the Marriage Act. Such officiants can only perform civil marriages which means they only ever marry heterosexual couples. When these marriage officers get requests from same-sex couples, they have to direct them elsewhere. Now, some of these marriage officers probably wish they were registered under the Civil Union Act as well as the Marriage Act. Although, if they really wanted to be, then they could simply take a test and VIOLA so you have to ask…. how much do they really want it?

There are quite a lot of marriage officers that ‘hide’ their prejudice under the excuse that they’re only registered under the earlier act – The Marriage Act. And then there are of course marriage officers that are outright with their discrimination and do not believe in same-sex marriage. So, if you’re looking for a safe harbour to determine if the marriage officer is the “one” for you – ask if they’re registered under The Civil Union Act?

Heterosexual couples can show solidarity with the LGBTQIA+ community by specifically requesting to be married under The Civil Union Act. Every time I get an enquiry from a heterosexual couple asking for a civil union marriage, it warms my heart.

Another couple celebrates the beginning of their same-sex marriage in Cape Town, frolicking on Langebaan beach

Foreigners getting married in Cape Town looking to register their civil union marriages elsewhere in the world

So many LGBTQIA+ couples come to South Africa to get married and there a so many reasons they do so. Firstly, our beaches. Secondly, our mountains. Thirdly, our wildlife. And, of course, because of our progressive laws. Sadly, many couples have to travel outside of their home country to get married because such unions are not recognised (in some countries, atrociously, same-sex marriage is still criminalised).

For such couples and other foreign couples simply wanting to elope, one of their major concerns is having their marriage recognised in their home country or perhaps a country that they intend moving to once they’re married. Where a couple consists of two foreigners, the only option for a formal marriage certificate is the unabridged marriage certificate.

Acquiring an unabridged marriage certificate

I’m not going to lie, it can be an administrative headache but it doesn’t need to be. It’s best to use a service to get your unabridged marriage certificate. You do not need to be in the country when the certificate is applied for nor do you need to collect it yourself. The certificate will be couriered to you.

Feel free to do some research and find a company that you feel comfortable with handling this admin. I do offer such a service myself. I charge R4000 for the unabridged marriage certificate and the international courier fee is R950. In addition to the unabridged marriage certificate, some countries require an additional authentication before they will accept a certificate as valid. This usually comes in the form of an apostille stamp. I will be able to tell you if you do need such an apostille when we discuss what country you will be living in once married.

Don’t let the start of your forever be tainted by any worries about being accepted or safe or seen

A final note for those that have read this far

You and your love deserve to be celebrated. Cape Town is the most wonderful city and I’m so excited for you that you’ve chosen to start your marriage with an epic adventure. I’d love to be a part of that celebration, be it in a simple ceremony/signing at my home or at a lavish venue with 100 of your closest people. Apparently I need to write same-sex marriage in Cape Town one more time in this blog in order to better the chances of you finding me and I really want you to find me, so let me add one for luck: Same-sex marriage in Cape Town.