Eloping in Cape Town: What you need to know

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A Case for Eloping in Cape Town

In the midst of my work, I sometimes wonder, how on earth am I being paid to do this? This “work” is that good – that spectacular. I get to stand barefoot on far-flung beaches as the sun dips below the Atlantic listening to couples exchange vows! I get to traipse around the side of a mountain among proteas looking for the perfect ceremony spot. It still astonishes me. I feel a deep sense of grateful whenever I marry couples – be it a small no frills legal signing or at a lavish wedding. But I feel that gratitude most when I’m part of elopements.

Elopements allow couples to focus on what really matters: The two of them. Without all the fanfare, it’s easier for couples to be present. It has the same effect on me as the celebrant. I’m less rushed; less distracted – fully there with you in the moment.

Tip for eloping in Cape Town: Time your ceremony and photography so that you and your person soak in golden hour in one of the most beautiful places in the world

Wild or gorilla elopements take place in the great outdoors – just you, your person and the wilderness (and, if you’ll have us, a celebrant and photographer)

What kind of ceremony would we have if it’s just the two of us?

One of the great joys of eloping? You get to decide how to celebrate and how to mark the occasion. This is true of the ceremony, too. Should you say personal vows? That’s entirely up to you (although my personal opinion is that it is so exquisitely beautiful when you do).

As with all ceremonies, I provide a lot of guidance when it comes to creating your elopement ceremony. Most couples have a clear idea of what they don’t want rather than what they do. That’s okay – that’s why you’re talking to me. My take: The ceremony is as special (if not more so) when it is just the two of you. The advantage of not having an audience is that there’s way less pressure to perform. You get to look inward and decide what you want as a couple.

There are beautiful elements of ‘traditional’ ceremonies that lend structure to more unconventional ceremonies. That said, I’m also very comfortable breaking out of the mould incorporating other rituals into the ceremony. The best ceremonies strike a balance between the gravitas that such a momentous day calls for, and leaving room for lightness and fun.

Your ceremony should reflect your love story and the two of you as individuals and how your unique qualities match one another

The most important part of eloping: Breathe. Be present with your love. Soak in the moment so that you can return to it in the years to come.

Don’t forget to have FUN! Yes, this is a huge moment in your lives. Yes that significance should be honoured. But there should always be room for spontaneity and connection

Choosing a location when Eloping in Cape Town

Cape Town spoils couples, offering plenty of incredible locations for elopement ceremonies. A lot of couples really want to start their marriage off with an adventure in the great outdoors. I call these “wild elopements” or a “gorilla elopements”. They are not interested in a lot of bells and whistles. They want an extraordinary backdrop and an personal and intimate ceremony – that’s about it. Spots like Signal Hill (not the viewpoint but a location a bit before it); Clifton 4th; Scarborough; Chapmans Peak; Clarence Drive are ideal for this kind of celebration. Dress up, bring a bottle of champagne and follow the Google Maps pin to our chosen viewpoint. Cue the magic!

Accommodation doubling up as a ceremony spot

Other couples want the security of a venue (especially if the weather turns and they need a plan B). Because elopements are, by definition, small celebrations, airbnbs work really well for elopements. This way couples secure accommodation and a location that could serve as aceremony spot too. If you’d like some inspiration – have a look here and here .I must warn you though, after looking through some of the options available, your hearts will be set and there will be no turning back.

Find exquisite and little-known spots in and around Cape Town to celebrate the beginning of your marriage in style

What about a photographer, florist and make-up artist?

You opted for an elopement to dodge decision fatigue and focus on what the day is truly about: each other. But you still have to make some key decisions for your elopement like who’s going to capture the moment. If you’re not from Cape Town (and even if you are) choosing out of the plethora of service providers on offer can be daunting. Worry not. Since I’ve been a marriage officer for a number of years now and my favourite kind of weddings are elopements, I can recommend a photographer, florist and make-up artist to you that I trust. I even have a travel company that I can recommend if you’re looking to extend your stay in Cape Town and South Africa by going on a honeymoon straight after your nuptials. I mean why the hell not?!

Let me know what you’re looking for and we can go from there.

What legal requirements do we have to fulfill to make our dream of Eloping in Cape Town a reality?

If you’re both South African, everything is very straightforward and I’ll run through the requirements in a minute when I chat to you. If one of you is a South African citizen and the other a foreign citizen without permanent residence (and an SA ID as a result of your PR status), read this blog. If you’re both foreign nationals and neither of you have permanent residency in South Africa, you’ll find the requirements here.

I will handle all the legal sides of your marriage so that you can simple sign, place your left thumbs on the paper and go revel in the fact that you JUST GOT MARRIED

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Destination wedding: Foreigners getting married in Cape Town

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What you need to know as two foreigners getting married in Cape Town

If you’re reading this blog, you’re likely planning on getting married in Cape Town – yes please! I probably don’t need to convince you about the city’s beauty — you’ve already chosen it as the place for your elopement or wedding …

But it’s fun (as a Capetonian) to revel in just how incredible this city and country truly are. So, here goes. Did I mention our exquisite beaches? What about our extraordinary Cape Floral Kingdom? Or the Big Five just a short drive away. And then there’s the warmth of the people you’ll meet here. Add to that the fine dining scene, award-winning wine estates, whale watching, surfing in Muizenberg, hiking up Lion’s Head, and the breathtaking views from every corner of the city — and it’s no wonder couples from all over the world choose to get married in Cape Town.

Because of how much the tip of Africa has to offer, many foreigners getting married in Cape Town double-up – planning a wedding or elopement here and chasing it up with a honeymoon. And why the hell not?! If this is something you’re considering, you may want to have a look at a few tours on offer. Secret Cape Town also provides a wealth of information on what to do when in the city.

Whether you’re planning something grand or simple, the process is surprisingly simple for two foreigners getting married in Cape Town. You do, however, need an experienced marriage officer guiding you through the steps.

Elopements allow you to focus on what’s really important – your love; your intention to do life together.

How to Get Married in Cape Town as Two Foreigners

Fortunately, it’s actually quite easy to marry two foreigners in South Africa. I mention Cape Town specifically because that’s where I’m based, but the legal requirements are the same across the country. Note: If one of you is a foreigner and the other a South African citizen, you need to fulfill different requirements. Read through this blog for more information.

Let me start with a question I get asked by foreigners fairly frequently. How long do we need to be in the country in order to get married? My answer: An afternoon. Although I wouldn’t recommend that because as we already discussed (in some length), Cape Town has SO many sights and experiences to delve into – coming in and out of the city would be a pity. I think I get asked this question frequently because there’s a lot of misinformation online about the duration you have to be in the country for and also having to notify certain parties of your intention to get married. Neither is true.

There are so many little-known spots in Cape Town that serve as perfect locations for wild elopements

Let’s start with the Letter of Non-Impediment

When a foreigner gets married in South Africa, they need a Letter of Non-Impediment. This is a document from your government confirming that you are legally free to marry. It might be issued by your embassy, consulate, or your country’s equivalent of Home Affairs.

The details vary from country to country:

Germany: Issues a classic Letter of Non-Impediment. If you’re both German citizens, you’ll receive just one letter, which lists both partners. The document is in German, but contains an English translation within it.

United Kingdom: Does not issue a Letter of Non-Impediment. Instead, UK citizens can sign an affidavit confirming there’s no legal barrier to their marriage. In South Africa, affidavits can be done for free at a police station — simply bring a pen, fill in the form, and write a short declaration.

United States: Also uses an affidavit, which can be done at the US Consulate in Cape Town.

Because I’ve married couples from many countries, I can often tell you exactly what your country issues and provide you with some guidance in this regard. Importantly, your letter of non-impediment is only valid for 6 months from the date of issue so you don’t want to apply for it too early (I know, I know you’re excited!). You also don’t want to leave it too late as some countries have quite a rigmarole that you have to go through in order to obtain it. No one wants that stress in the lead up to their destination wedding!

The wonderful thing about an elopement is you get to do things on your own terms – no rushing, no obligations – just the two of you; being the two of you

Document Checklist Foreigners Get Married in Cape Town

Once the Letter of Non-Impediment (or affidavit) is sorted, everything else is straightforward:

Passports: Copies of each, linked to the issuing country of your non-impediment letter or affidavit.

Entry Stamps: Sent to me via WhatsApp after arrival.

Divorce Decrees: If either of you has been married before.

Translations: Any non-English documents must be translated by a certified translator (unless the translation is already included, as with the German example).

A letter from your notary confirming you have signed an ante-nuptial contract (if you have opted to do so – some info below).

There are secret gems scattered along the coast that make for breathtaking backdrops for your elopement

Ante-nuptial Contract (Prenup)

In South Africa, couples can sign an ante-nuptial contract (often called a “pre-nup”), which decides how assets and liabilities are handled in the marriage. The default here is “in community of property” — meaning all assets and debts are shared. This can be risky, especially if one of you owns a business.

Many South Africans choose to sign an ante-nuptial contract to set their own rules. It must be done before the marriage, through a notary. If you decide to do this, your notary will give me a letter confirming the contract is signed — I don’t need to see the contract itself. Post-nuptial contracts are possible but costly and complicated, so I strongly recommend doing it beforehand if you want one.

Many foreign couples do not consider it necessary to sign an ante-nuptial as the laws in their countries govern how assets/liabilities will be divided in the event of separation and so there are safeguards built in – in other words, the default positions in other countries are often protective and fair, rather than old-fashioned and limiting (as is the case in South Africa). Still, if you’re unsure whether you need such a contract or not, I advise consulting with an expert so that you make an informed decision.

If you do decide to sign such a contract – I don’t need to see the actual contract but, rather, confirmation (in the form of a letter from your notary) that such a contract was entered into.

You should feel like your most authentic self on the day you get married

Registering Your Marriage in Your Home Country

If you live outside South Africa, you’ll probably want to register your marriage at home. Most countries require an unabridged marriage certificate, and many (especially in Europe) also require an apostille stamp for extra authentication.

UK & USA: Usually only need the unabridged certificate.

Most European countries: Require both the unabridged certificate and an apostille.

The apostille stamp is valid for six months, so plan your registration accordingly.

I offer a service of applying, collecting and couriering your unabridged marriage certificates to you. Another question I get asked often: Do we need to be in the country to apply for or collect our certificates? No. You can get married and hop straight onto the next flight out. (Don’t – go see the Garden Route; take a cobra on a drive along one of the most spectacular roads in the world; explore the Cape Winelands.)

Elopements allow you to focus on what’s really important – your love; your intention to do life together.

Types of Weddings in Cape Town for Foreign Couples

Foreign couples come with all kinds of visions for their day. Here are the three most common:

1. The Classic Wedding

Big celebrations at wine estates, boutique hotels, or luxury venues with your nearest and dearest flying in. Here’s a look at some well-known Cape Town venues. Whatever venue you decide on, I will be there to handle the ceremony and legalities while your wedding planner coordinates the rest.

2. The Elopement

Just the two of you, or a few close friends and family, in a stunning outdoor location — beach, mountain, or nature reserve. We create a ceremony that’s personal to you and your story. The magic of an elopement is that you get to focus on each other and the commitment you’re making. And you get to have fun! Pop a bottle of bubbly, drink straight from the bottle. Don’t rush – there’s plenty of time without any of the obligation to say hi to Aunt Jude who you haven’t seen since you were 7. Exchange personal vows (or don’t).

Remember that it’s your day and your elopement and you get to decide how it unfolds (and also where it unfolds).

How’s this for a magic spot to exchange vows with the love of your life?

3. The Legal Signing with a Special Touch

For couples focused mainly on the paperwork but wanting a beautiful setting, I offer simple ceremonies at my home (close to the CBD) in Vredehoek. It’s intimate and efficient but still feels special.

Since South Africa legalised same-sex marriage in 2006 (one of the first countries in the world to do so), Cape Town has become a natural choice for LGBTQIA+ couples wanted to celebrate the beginning of their marriage

Deciding Where to Get Married

Cape Town offers an endless choice of locations for your wedding day:

By the sea: Quiet beaches at sunset for barefoot vows.

In the mountains: Sweeping views of Table Mountain, Lion’s Head and the 12 Apostles.

In nature: Botanical gardens or wild reserves.

Some couples double up their accommodation and ceremony venue, booking an Airbnb or guesthouse with beautiful views with the aim of holding the ceremony there. This not only gives you a stunning backdrop but also a built-in backup in case of bad weather.

Fancy having the 12 Apostles in the background as you say your “I do”s? Wonderful – let’s make it happen.

Final Thoughts on Getting Married in Cape Town

Whether you’re planning a big do at an exquisite venue, an adventurous mountain elopement, or a simple signing with ocean views, getting married in Cape Town can be as straightforward or as lavish as you want it to be.

With the right preparation — and someone to guide you through the process — you can focus on what matters most: celebrating your love in one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

On a personal note, I believe that a ceremony sets the tone of the whole wedding celebration. It’s important to connect with your celebrant as they usher you into one of the most meaningful decisions of your life. The right fit is important, even if you plan only to do paperwork. To get a sense of who I am and what I value, you can find out a little here. And then if you do think I’m the right person, contact me on marriageofficerlara@gmail.com

Scarborough, near Cape Point, has become an increasingly popular spot for couples to elope

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Same-sex marriage in Cape Town – what you need to know

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Finding LGBTQIA+ friendly officiants and celebrants

What are some of the challenges couples face when looking to celebrate their same sex marriage in Cape Town? Unfortunately, most worry about finding an inclusive, LGBTQIA+ friendly officiant or celebrant. Even in South Africa – a country that legalised same-sex marriage way back in 2006 – this is still a realistic concern.

Am I comfortable officiating same-sex marriage in Cape Town? I still receive enquiries asking this and it my heart ache that anyone has jump this hurdle.

I’m writing this blog to try “get it out there” that as a marriage officer, I welcome LGBTQIA+ couples. More than that, I celebrate them! (Also, I’m probably not supposed to say this, but queer couples are my favourite. Actually, you know what, I can say that because I’m part of the community. I understand some of the sensitivities and warranted anxieties that come with looking for celebrants, photographers, florists, make-up artists…  I hate that many couples experience rejection and prejudice at a time that should be nothing but exciting.

Celebrate the beginning of your same-sex marriage in Cape Town

Foreign couples often travel great distances to celebrate the start of their same-sex marriage in Cape Town

How South Africa came to recognise same-sex marriage

In South Africa, we have two pieces of legislation under which couples can marry: The Marriage Act and The Civil Union Act. The Marriage Act preceded The Civil Union Act. The Civil Union Act came into being because of a Constitutional Court ruling declaring the fact that same-sex couples could not enjoy the privileges of marriage discriminatory. The Court gave the Legislature two options. First, the Legislature could change the Marriage Act to include same-sex marriage. This would have been as simple as amending words like wife/husband to spouse. The second option: the Legislature could introduce a new piece of law governing same sex marriage. The Legislature went for the second option (wrongly in my opinion).

Welcoming the Civil Union Act

In 2006, South Africa ushered in the The Civil Union Act catering for both heterosexual couples and same-sex couples. The Civil Union Act is thus more inclusive . That is, all couples can get married under this piece of legislation while The Marriage Act is reserved for heterosexual couples. Marriages under the different pieces of legislation have the same rights and are thus equal. They do go by slightly different names. Under the Marriage Act you have a civil marriage whereas the Civil Union Act equivalent is a civil union marriage. Importantly, both are marriages.

(The Civil Union Act also has the option of a Civil Partnership but this is not commonly requested. Home Affairs has instructed me not to perform such unions. If you really want to enter a Civil Partnership, you’ll need to liaise directly with Home Affairs.)

Celebrating same-sex marriage in Cape Town

The true joy of celebrating the start of your same-sex marriage in Cape Town? The unbelievable mountain views.

Can all marriage officers in South Africa perform civil union marriages?

No. Some marriage officers are only registered under the Marriage Act. Such officiants can only perform civil marriages which means they only ever marry heterosexual couples. When these marriage officers get requests from same-sex couples, they have to direct them elsewhere. Now, some of these marriage officers probably wish they were registered under the Civil Union Act as well as the Marriage Act. Although, if they really wanted to be, then they could simply take a test and VIOLA so you have to ask…. how much do they really want it?

There are quite a lot of marriage officers that ‘hide’ their prejudice under the excuse that they’re only registered under the earlier act – The Marriage Act. And then there are of course marriage officers that are outright with their discrimination and do not believe in same-sex marriage. So, if you’re looking for a safe harbour to determine if the marriage officer is the “one” for you – ask if they’re registered under The Civil Union Act?

Heterosexual couples can show solidarity with the LGBTQIA+ community by specifically requesting to be married under The Civil Union Act. Every time I get an enquiry from a heterosexual couple asking for a civil union marriage, it warms my heart.

Celebrating same-sex marriage in Cape Town

Another couple celebrates the beginning of their same-sex marriage in Cape Town, frolicking on Langebaan beach

Foreigners getting married in Cape Town looking to register their civil union marriages elsewhere in the world

So many LGBTQIA+ couples come to South Africa to get married and there a so many reasons they do so. Firstly, our beaches. Secondly, our mountains. Thirdly, our wildlife. And, of course, because of our progressive laws. Sadly, many couples have to travel outside of their home country to get married because such unions are not recognised (in some countries, atrociously, same-sex marriage is still criminalised).

For such couples and other foreign couples simply wanting to elope, one of their major concerns is having their marriage recognised in their home country or perhaps a country that they intend moving to once they’re married. Where a couple consists of two foreigners, the only option for a formal marriage certificate is the unabridged marriage certificate.

Acquiring an unabridged marriage certificate

I’m not going to lie, it can be an administrative headache but it doesn’t need to be. It’s best to use a service to get your unabridged marriage certificate. You do not need to be in the country when the certificate is applied for nor do you need to collect it yourself. The certificate will be couriered to you.

Feel free to do some research and find a company that you feel comfortable with handling this admin. I do offer such a service myself. I charge R4000 for the unabridged marriage certificate and the international courier fee is R950. In addition to the unabridged marriage certificate, some countries require an additional authentication before they will accept a certificate as valid. This usually comes in the form of an apostille stamp. I will be able to tell you if you do need such an apostille when we discuss what country you will be living in once married.

Celebrating same-sex marriage in Cape Town

Don’t let the start of your forever be tainted by any worries about being accepted or safe or seen

A final note for those that have read this far

You and your love deserve to be celebrated. Cape Town is the most wonderful city and I’m so excited for you that you’ve chosen to start your marriage with an epic adventure. I’d love to be a part of that celebration, be it in a simple ceremony/signing at my home or at a lavish venue with 100 of your closest people. Apparently I need to write same-sex marriage in Cape Town one more time in this blog in order to better the chances of you finding me and I really want you to find me, so let me add one for luck: Same-sex marriage in Cape Town.

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What to expect from a simple ceremony and legal signing at my home or yours

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So many couples want a simple ceremony/signing at my home or at theirs but they don’t know exactly what that entails or includes. I’m writing this to answer that question. Technically, the legal side of getting married is very short. Very. It entails two essential questions – the first asks you to confirm that there is no legal impediment to your proposed marriage. Romantic, I know. The second is the more beautiful and classic question: Do you take x to be your partner in life and your wedding wife/husband? If we’re sticking to the pure legalities, I’d move from those questions to the pronouncement. And then you may kiss if you want to (the legislation doesn’t include a ring exchange nor the line ‘you may kiss the…’

Some couples want the bare minimum. They want me to stick, to the letter, to the legal side. Sometimes couples opt for this because they have planned a wedding and they want to save all the special moments for the ceremony in front of their loved ones. For them, the legal signing is administrative. If that’s what you want, I’m happy to oblige.

In my opinion though, the pure legal side is a bit too clinical. And, to be honest, even if we stick to the two questions and the pronouncement, there is no escaping that it’s a special moment. It often takes people off guard. They don’t expect to cry, but they do. They don’t expect to be moved, but they are. That’s why I think you should embrace the legal signing and make it a thing. A celebration. I think you should take a few minutes to pause and acknowledge what a big deal it is to get married and create a short but meaningful ceremony around it. In my experience, making the signing special does not detract from any future celebration or wedding you’re planning. In my experience, it simply allows for you to have both: the intimate ceremony and signing and the wedding (if you so choose).

To reiterate, the choice is yours and I will respect your decision (even if your mom is eyeing me out, begging for a poem). It’s your marriage and your day.

A simple meaningful ceremony

For those who fully embrace the idea that the simple signing should be meaningful and memorable, I would love to lead a short heartfelt ceremony for you which would include an introduction from me (why we’re gathered); mention of why ceremonies are important; a poem; vows (if you’d like you can also exchange your own personal vows – if so, let me know); a ring exchange (if you’d like one); a blessing in the form of another poem; and a pronouncement.

Besides a ceremony, what is included?

After the ceremony (or after the questions and pronouncement if you want to stick to the pure legal side of things), you and your witnesses will sign the registry and I’ll paste you and your now spouse’s photos in the registry. The registry is in triplicate – and the middle ‘copy’ is yours to take home. This is the most important document I hand to you because I cannot replace it and the other two ‘copies’ end up at home affairs which makes yours all the more precious. You should, accordingly, scan the registry and save it online so that even if you lose the hardcopy, you have the electronic version as a backup.

I will also issue you with a handwritten abridged marriage certificate. Forewarning: It is a very basic looking certificate. So basic that it is surprising that it holds any legal standing whatsoever. But it does. If you and your now spouse bought a property straight after we did all the paperwork for your marriage, you could send them a copy of the handwritten marriage certificate as proof that you’ve just gotten married. Because you are married.

I will then take my registry and lodge your marriage at home affairs for you. Home Affairs will register it within 5 days of lodging (sometimes they’re quicker).

What doesn’t the service include?

Printed out marriage certificates. There are two: An abridged marriage certificate and an unabridged marriage certificate. If you have booked your appointment online through acuity and have received confirmation of your appointment, you will also receive an email after your ceremony/signing, which includes details about how to go about getting your printed abridged and unabridged marriage certificates. Please note that quite a lot of couples believe that home affairs automatically generates printed marriage certificates for them and so they ask me when they can go and collect these certificates but this is not the case. For home affairs to issue you with a printed marriage certificate, you have to complete an application and pay a small fee. Again, more details on this and how to go about it will be sent to you via email after your signing/ceremony.

Where will our signing take place?

In my home. While I’m not going to share photographs here, I will say that my home is high up in Vredehoek (nice views if not overcast) and it’s a light and beautiful space. Also, just to note incase it is unclear – these photographs (the one at the beginning of the post and the one below are not from a simple ceremony and legal signing – I said I have nice views but not THAT nice. These photographs were taken after a simple signing when the couple and I went exploring (near Saunders beach to shelter from the wind and then down Kloofnek). If you’d like to add a couple shoot onto your signing to remember this time in your life – chat to me.

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What you need to know if you’re a South African citizen marrying a foreign national

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Before we get into the nitty gritty, let me say that once we’ve jumped over all the hurdles and laid our careful plan to get you and your fiance engaged, there is so much excitement and joy awaiting you. You’re getting married in Cape Town. Cape Town!!! It’s magnificent. And more than that, you’re getting married to your person. Here’s a photograph to make you a little excited before we deep dive into the boxes that need ticking.

Getting married in Cape Town

Attaining a letter of non-impediment as a foreigner

The first thing you should know is that the foreign national needs to attain a letter of non-impediment – essentially a letter confirming their marital status from their country. This letter will usually be issued by their equivalent of home affairs or a consulate. Every country handles letters of non-impediment differently. For example, Germany issues quite a standard letter of non-impediment which contains within it an English translation – this may seem simple enough but Germany also requires the SA citizen to first attain their own letter of impediment from SA home affairs, have it apostilled, and only then they will issue the required letter to the German national. The process for the UK on the other hand is very simple – all that is required is for the English national to do an affidavit at an SA police station (or if they choose to get a notary to do it in the UK) confirming that there is no legal impediment to their proposed marriage to such-and-such. There’s also a standard letter that the marriage officer must lodge with the marriage documents and together this affidavit and standard letter suffice for the letter of non-impediment. As you can see from these two examples, the hurdles for attaining a letter of non-impediment vary widely and I cannot detail each country here nor do I know of the processes involved within each country. I do, however, know the process when it comes to some countries and I have examples of letters and so please let me know where the foreign partner is from and I may be able to point you in the right direction.

Importantly, the letter of non-impediment must be linked to the passport that the foreign national enters the country on.

Another important thing to note: If your letter of non-impediment is issued overseas, it must be apostilled. This is because South Africa’s home affairs will not make contact with foreign entities to confirm the authentication of the letter of non-impediment. The apostille means that the authentication is not necessary and so the home affairs official can skip this step. If, for example, your letter of non-impediment was issued by the French consulate in Cape Town then you wouldn’t need an apostille. The home affairs official would, however, have to contact the consulate to verify the authenticity of the letter of non-impediment. This can cause ‘lost’ days if the official and the consulate struggle to connect but sometimes the process is a quick one (see logistics below).

An immigration interview

Many SA/foreign partner couples are not aware that they have to undergo an immigration interview at home affairs before they can go ahead and get legally married. This is true even if the couple has no intention of living in South Africa. It is an unavoidable step if you want to get legally married in South Africa.

Different home affairs within South Africa have different protocols around booking these interviews.

Each marriage officer is linked to a specific home affairs. I am linked to Barrack Street in Cape Town CBD. My home affairs, and many others, have implemented the ‘rule’ that the interview and marriage registration must happen under one home affairs roof – ie in the same office. This is because after the immigration interview, a report is issued and this report needs to find its way to the marriage section of home affairs. When the interviews were taking place at one home affairs and the registration at another, the interview reports often weren’t sent to the right officials or not received and this caused a lot of delays.

Immigration interviews at Barrack Street only take place on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday mornings.

Logistics

It is often the case – due to work commitments and life – that SA/foreign couples don’t have a lot of time in South Africa and it’s a challenge to make sure all the necessary steps are complete. If, for example, a groom is flying in on a Wednesday and departing the next Monday, it becomes near impossible for us to tick all the boxes of getting the two of you legally married for a number of reasons: (1) Interviews only happen on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays and so your schedule does not allow for an interview day; (2) The home affairs official needs at least 48 hours to verify the entry stamp of the foreigner entering the country and so even if the groom arrived really early on on the Wednesday, the entry stamp wouldn’t have ‘cleared’ and so the interview would not be able to proceed. For this reason and others, couples should plan for at least two weeks in Cape Town if they want to do an immigration interview and get legally married during the same visit. These two weeks should, ideally, include as many Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays possible.

In order for us to have the best chance of lining everything up, you need to give me at least two months warning of your intention to do the interview and get legally married – this is due to the fact that home affairs’ diary fills up and so if you let me know a week before your arrival that you’ll be in the Cape Town for two weeks, I won’t be able to assist because there won’t be any interview dates available for the time you’re here.

There are other logistics that I will discuss with each couple on a case by case basis such as which dates for the interview we will try for and small details like where to be and when.

How soon after your immigration interview can you get legally married?

As long as you pass the immigration interview, I can marry you. It could even be on the same day. What does pass mean? The official must give you verbal confirmation that you can go ahead and get legally married.

Should we be nervous about the interview process?

No. Any genuine couple has absolutely nothing to worry about.

What other documentation is required for us to get legally married in South Africa?

A copy of the SA citizen’s SA ID;

A copy of the foreign nationals passport;

A copy of the entry stamp within the foreign partner’s passport on arrival in South Africa;

A copy of divorce decree/s if either or both of the partners has been previously married before; and

A letter from your notary confirming that you have signed/executed an ante-nuptial contract, if you have decided to enter into such a contract.

And then a letter from me confirming I will be legally marrying you (but you don’t have to worry about this part).



 

 

Getting legally married in Cape Town as a SA/foreigner couple

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Always forgive me, and I promise I’ll always forgive you

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Read and then sleep. The combination usually works for me. Not last night though. Last night I got stuck into a new book and I couldn’t stop reading. At one point I was laughing in the darkness, trying not to wake Kit. At another, wiping tears from my eyes.

My mom is the same with books. She told me that when my brother and I were little, she had to stop reading for a time because she’d get so enraptured in novels that she wouldn’t do anything else.

I’ve witnesses this book befokedness many times.

During my law articles in Joburg, my parents lived a couple of kilometers up the road. My mom had a self-imposed rule that she would never visit the flat when I wasn’t there (she had access to it). One day at work, I looked at my phone to see I had three voice messages from my mom. The first one, calm – my mom asking me where the second Hunger Games book was. The second almost immediately after the first telling me that when I got home, she wanted to come fetch the second book. And a third telling me that she could no longer wait (about a minute had passed since the second voice message) – she was going to the flat to get the book.

The same thing happened with Twilight. (For the record, we do read other more acclaimed books but these are the most extreme examples of book befokedness). That is to say, I hear you judging us for reading Twilight – fine, I can take it. My mom actually did judge me as I made my way through the series. She told me, more than once, that I should read better books and she didn’t know why I was wasting my time. Then she made the mistake of picking one up. She did not put them down. She started one of the books at 2am. She read while she ate dinner. She could not hold a conversation until the books were done. And after she had smashed all four, she said they weren’t very good. But you have to admit, those books had something.

This is to say, I’m book befoked. Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin. Just so beautiful.

At around 1am, I made a note in the book, highlighting this paragraph:

“‘Promise me, that no matter what happens, no matter what dumb thing we supposedly perpetrate on each other, we won’t ever go six years without talking to each other. Promise me you’ll always forgive me, and I promise I’ll always forgive you.’ These, of course, are the kinds of vows young people feel comfortable making when they have no idea what life has in store for them.”

I’m going to read and sleep now.

Photograph of the day: Speaking of vows, Marcel and Pieter exchanged theirs this evening in their home, marking their 10th anniversary with a wedding. Here’s a pic I took on my phone just before the ceremony. In case you can’t read the sign – it says: It was always you.

 

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No frills

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This morning I held a ceremony for a couple in their lounge. I thought they had cleared their lounge for the ceremony because it was so simple and beautiful, with an arch and views of over Green Point and the sea, but they said that they were still going to get furniture. The bride’s sister pressed record on the camera on the tripod. After the ceremony, the bride’s mom took photographs, which she said she hoped were okay.

There are quite a lot of couples that say they want a no frills wedding. I completely get it that and I’m part of celebrations like that every week. This couple was different though. They had frills but only the exact frills they considered important: The arch, the flowers, the dress, the veil and linen suit. And then they had the essentials: the venue (their first home together), their family, and each other – that most of all.

When I got to my car, Jess had messaged to say that Kit had fallen and that she was okay but that she had a graze on her nose and forehead.

Later, at bath time, I asked Jess, “Were you worried about what I’d say about Kit’s face?”

“No because I was so nice to you about her falling off the bed.”

Photograph of the day: The oak tree above our backyard in the wind. Today the wind made us feel like we had very few options for an afternoon activity. We could go to the Aquarium or to the Aquarium or we could visit the Aquarium.

We decided to go to the Aquarium.

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Everything I know about love

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This morning I married a couple in a truly exquisite apartment in Mutual Heights in the middle of town. The couple – even better than the apartment. Only their mothers were with them. Their mothers were the ring bearers; their mothers threw basmati rice over them at the end of the ceremony; and their mothers were their witnesses.

I decided on which reading to do in the ceremony after meeting them. It begins, “this is everything I have to tell you about love” and then the bride, Sarah finished the sentence, “nothing“. She explained that her friend had sent her a voicenote last night, reading the piece and that had been the first time she’d ever heard it. Today was the second.

I took this photo on my phone while I mosied around the apartment, admiring it, after the signing.

(You may not be able to read the writing so here is a close up).

This afternoon I took Kit to the Camps Bay tidal pool. There, she collected shells for a girl of about 8 who lay across a giant blowup swan. The girl would decide whether she liked the shells or not (she had another minion, older than her, also collecting shells). The only known parameters for the shells were that they needed to be white or blue (beautiful brown shell? Don’t even bother). This requirement proved tricky to explain to Kit. I helped Kit along by handing her appropriate shells. Some were nevertheless rejected. Absolutely no leeway was granted for the fact that Kit is 14 months old. Swan girl either liked the shell or she didn’t – it didn’t matter who handed it to her; it didn’t matter if it met the brief. I respect that.

At the tidal pool, I got to swim too. I waded into the water, lifted Kit up in my arms and went under. Kit thought this quite funny.

This evening I got to sit on the couch with my wife.

Just before bed I had to trek to the garage to get my dodgy phone charger cord that has a USB (because I couldn’t use my normal charger because loadshedding and because, infuriatingly, my Samsung charger has some ‘fancy’ port – if that’s the right term – that is not a USB and so can’t fit into our inverter, which is not an inverter, it’s some small box that I forget the name of but keeps our wifi going). Point is, to get to the garage, I had to cross the courtyard where I looked up to a clear sky and Orion’s Belt.

It was a good day.

Goodnight.

P.S Maybe some of you haven’t read Neil Gaiman’s piece of writing before. For your convenience (as we used to write in corporate) please find it herewithbelow.

All I Know About Love by Neil Gaiman

This is everything I have to tell you about love: nothing.
This is everything I’ve learned about marriage: nothing.

Only that the world out there is complicated,
and there are beasts in the night, and delight and pain,
and the only thing that makes it okay, sometimes,
is to reach out a hand in the darkness and find another hand to squeeze,
and not to be alone.

It’s not the kisses, or never just the kisses: it’s what they mean.
Somebody’s got your back.
Somebody knows your worst self and somehow doesn’t want to rescue you
or send for the army to rescue them.

It’s not two broken halves becoming one.
It’s the light from a distant lighthouse bringing you both safely home
because home is wherever you are both together.

So this is everything I have to tell you about love and marriage: nothing,
like a book without pages or a forest without trees.

Because there are things you cannot know before you experience them.
Because no study can prepare you for the joys or the trials.
Because nobody else’s love, nobody else’s marriage, is like yours,
and it’s a road you can only learn by walking it,
a dance you cannot be taught,
a song that did not exist before you began, together, to sing.

And because in the darkness you will reach out a hand,
not knowing for certain if someone else is even there.
And your hands will meet,
and then neither of you will ever need to be alone again.

And that’s all I know about love.

 

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A Travesty on a Thursday

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Whoever (whomever?) brushes their teeth first must put toothpaste on the other person’s toothbrush. I thought this gesture was particular to Jess and I but I’ve married enough couples and spoken to enough couples about such small kindnesses that I know – it’s a thing. A common curtesy among lovers.

She who gets a snack must also get (or at least offer) a snack to her wife: Another rule in our household. The rule extends to drinks to and even water. This isn’t just among lovers – it’s just common decency. In our household, however, only one of us strictly abides by this rule. It is I.

Jess told me, after downing a glass of water – in.front.of.me – that “we’re fending for ourselves; that we’re in survival mode“. I reminded Jess that not only did I pack her lunch for work but breakfast and a snack too. Survival smival.

Jess conceded. I also reminded her that the other day she came upstairs with some salami, for herself – none in sight for me – and that on that very same day I had made her breakfast and left it outside her door.

I wish I could say there weren’t other instances. Whole sandwiches! Whole sandwiches made and eaten in front of me. The excuse there: “I didn’t know if you were hungry” – I was not home when one of these sandwiches was made. Pathetic excuse. Of course I want a sandwich.

On this Thursday, January 2023, Jess has sworn to be better. She came up to bed tonight and mentioned that there was a full glass of water downstairs for me. Better.

Photograph of the day: Kit’s awe in a tunnel of fish.

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Ordinary houses

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For my wedding, I chose the song, Crowded Table by The Highwomen. It was meant to be a surprise for Jess on the day. On the morning of our wedding, I was so anxious and so emotional (nothing to do with marrying Jess) that I kept pressing play on my “secret” “aisle” song. I write “aisle” because, of course, there was none – we got married on an wide open beach. “Secret” because Jess heard me push play and panic and try stop the song at least twice when I was showing a friend which song I wanted them to play on cue. For my sake, she pretended she didn’t hear it. Whenever I think of that small kindness – even on stressful days like today – it makes me smile.

In the song, there’s a line about a garden. It goes, “if we want a garden, we’re gonna have to sow the seed“. I led the ceremony at a wedding on 10 December with a similar message that came from a reading Jess and Brandon chose. It said, “The more wonderful the garden, the more skilled the gardener“.

I like gardening. I’m not very good at it. Yet. I want the plants to grow faster even though sometimes I forget to water them. Gardening is teaching me patience and consistency, and I have a long way to go.

At the back of our house, there are retainer blocks. I hate retainer blocks. I mean, ya, they retain and everything but I hate the way they look. So I’m trying to create a vertical garden to cover them. It’s slow going. It’s trial and error.

Since we were away for a near on a month, occasionally I imagined my vertical garden and what it might look like on my return. That’s one of my favorite things about returning home – seeing how much things have grown.

My vertical garden looked sad though. Dry. Thirsty. Barely showing improvement.

I’m back to watering it, trying to do it every day – even when the day doesn’t go to plan – even when the plan is obliterated.

A few weeks ago I read something on Instagram that struck a cord with me: Normalise ordinary houses. Non-magazine houses. Houses that families live in. Toys scattered. Washing on the line. Here’s my contribution: You should know that all these clothes are dry. You should know that I made no attempt to take them off the line. You should know that my vertical garden looks a lot better at this angle than it does straight-on. You should know that I hate these retainer blocks. You should know that I wish I had moved that damn dishcloth.

 

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